Magadan Cathedral

Sorry guys.......after a long 13 hour shift at work my brain is bordering on mush!! So I thought I would tell you this is the new Cathedral they are currently building in Magadan. It is actually the only Cathedral in Magadan, and it is Russian Orthodox. Hopefully on our next trip we will have a little more time. I would love to go and check it out, and attend a service. I am sure it would be so interesting. The front of the Cathedral has all copper roofing. I don't have a picture of the front, but I shall have to get one on our next trip and post it. This Cathedral is quite beautiful, and I decided to use it as my personal "logo" for all my posts. Thanks to Elle who so patiently explained to my non-technical mind how to add this pic when I post comments!! I will continue my story with the boys tomorrow........wait until you hear what happened on our afternoon ALONE with "D" !!

The Background Revealed

The boys and Wayne continued to play. He was bouncing a ball with them, and watching them play with some trucks, and airplanes, and was interacting with them. They were responding to him very well, especially considering that initially both boys were afraid of him. Little “A” was afraid because he was not used to seeing any men, and “D” was afraid because of his previous relationship with his father, and being beaten severely. It was good to see both of the boys feel comfortable with Wayne. While Wayne and the boys were playing, Ludmila, “D’s” caregiver from the boarding home, filled me in (through the translator) on his background. Apparently, the biological mother of the boys was very beautiful, and liked to go around with different men. The Father was not really sure he was the biological father of “D”, so when the Father became drunk, he would beat the boy. Once “D” remembered he was watching TV and his Father was drunk, lying on the couch. He called the boy over, beat him severely, and then told him to go back over and finish watching TV. “D” also said that in the middle of the night when he was sound asleep, he would be awakened by violent shaking. His Father would come in the room, grab him during his sleep and shake him for a while, screaming at him. Once, when he was alone with the Father and he was drunk, he began again beating the child unmercifully. The Father was drunk, and looked away for a minute, “D” seized the opportunity to run away…..he was able to grab his coat, but not his shoes….and he ran out of the apartment up the outside stairs (they lived on the lower floor). When the father did not see him outside, he went back into the apartment. “D” quietly came down the stairs and ran out into the snow….barefoot. Now in the interior of Siberia where he lived, it can get down to 80 below Fahrenheit. He ran into the village until he saw a light on. He ran up to the door and knocked, and a kind woman let him in. She put his feet into a pan of warm water for them to thaw. The next morning she called the parents, and the came with toys and took him back home (the Father was not drunk). “D” had to be about 4 years old; I am guessing….between 4 and 5. The Mother became pregnant with little A….and apparently had some severe health problems. She was hospitalized during almost the entire pregnancy and “D” stayed home with his father. The Father did not drink during this entire time while the Mother was in the hospital. I am guessing they were trying to get their act together. Soon after the baby was born, the drinking resumed, and both of them were drunk. Another terrible beating ensued and “D” escaped from the house, and caught a bus. He rode to the house of a lady he knew and she let him in. When she saw the horrible, beaten condition the boy was in, she immediately called the authorities. The authorities came out to her home, saw the boy, and immediately went to the home and took the baby, “A” out of the house, now only 2 months old. “D” never returned to the home. He was sent to the rehabilitation home for 1 year until the parental rights were terminated. He was then sent to the boarding school to begin first grade after his year in the Rehab home (waiting for the parents to be rehabilitated…..however, they were not). During the entire time in the rehab home, “D” did not see his parents (they did not come to visit). He said he got a package once, from the Father, and it contained “some sweets”. At the time of termination of parental rights, the parents can request visitation, if they would like to continue to see the children. The parents did not request visitation with the boys. Little baby “A”, being only 2 months old when he was removed from the home, was taken directly to the hospital where he remained for two more months. He was treated for dehydration and malnutrition. More on his health and condition later...... Two sweet boys with such an unfortunate set of circumstances…….no wonder the older boy was so afraid.

Playtime Together

After picking up the little brother “A” from his groupa, we all walked down a long, dark corridor in the Baby Home to a room where we all could play together. It was a very large room with a few cabinets and shelves stocked with toys, and a piano. There was a long row of children’s chairs, hand-painted and shellacked in the Russian style. They were very beautiful, and there were probably between 40 to 50 chairs in the room. This is where they have their music classes. The room had a carpet on the wooden floor. This carpet was one of those carpets with “roads”, you know, with the printed roads, and houses, and green grass…..only it was HUGE…….about 20X60. There were some other musical instruments in the room, a xylophone, some drums, bongos, and old time accordion!! Wayne and “D” started to try to play that accordion……and I was ready to Polka!! One of the doctors of the Baby Home came in with little “A’s” records, and I asked her a few questions about his health. I got some vague answers, though, that I really was not totally satisfied with. For instance, “A” had been given a diagnosis of hypertension syndrome and encephalopathy (strange, but true). Both of these were neurological diagnoses, and the first one, we don’t even have such a thing for a child in the U.S. (See my link on Russian Medical Diagnosis for more info). Apparently, the Russian Neurologists are so worried that they may exclude a diagnosis, that they prefer blanket coverage!! In other words, it is better to give the child every problem in the book, and then look like a miracle worker when they no longer have it, than to be caught missing a diagnosis!! Sounds a bit like reverse medical malpractice, doesn’t it? Well, this doctor proceeded to tell me that after the baby received treatment with immune system boosters, and massage therapy, and a medication that increased the blood supply to the brain (I have never heard of such treatment, and neither has my Pediatrician or Family Practice Doctor!!) that by the age of 1 year, he was completely cured of the encephalopathy!! Hooray!! It is a Miracle!! I was still not real clear on the cause of the encephalopathy, but whatever the cause, now Little A. was cured!! During my conversation with the Doctor, Wayne and the boys were playing together. Wayne sat down on the floor with them. Little A, who we had been told had no attention span whatsoever, sat next to Wayne for at least 30 minutes, playing different musical instruments, as Wayne showed him how. Big brother “D” was handing little brother new instruments, and new toys, wanting to share everything he had with his little brother. Little “A” played so quietly and was very interested in each instrument or toy. He then got up and began to run around the room, laughing and playing with his big brother beside him. They were having a wonderful time playing together.

Return to the Baby Home

The next morning we arrived at the Baby Home to visit with both of the boys. “D” had slept over at the orphanage for older children which was across town. He and Ludmila, his caregiver from the boarding school, had already arrived. They were standing outside in front of the Baby Home when we drove up. Wayne and I got out of the car and “D” came excitedly toward us, only, he was actually looking for our facilitators’ son, Ivan. Ivan (Ivana as “D” called him) had been our interpreter the first day we had met “D”, and since he was younger (in his early 20”s) “D” seemed to feel an attachment to him. So, when he realized it was Zoya who was with us, and not Ivana, he was a little disappointed. He kind of shrugged his shoulders, and then resigned himself to just spending time with us!! He walked over to us, and gave us both a little hug, even though to me it seemed to be half-hearted. How could it not be??? We all walked inside to see the little brother. We walked upstairs directly to his groupa and waited. We were in the room where the caregivers have their lockers, and hang their coats and shoes. We were waiting for little A. to be ready to join us and for the boys to play together. Suddenly the big brother “D” began speaking Russian quickly and in a very panicked voice. He was getting restless, and moving, and agitated. Wayne and I looked at Ludmila the caregiver with an inquiring look on our face, as if to say “What is wrong?”. Ludmila explained that “D” was saying “Please, please, I don’t want to be left in a shelter…..I don’t want to be left in a shelter”. Apparently, being back in an orphanage setting, (he is now living in a boarding school) brought back some very uncomfortable memories. He was afraid that we were just going to leave him there and now he would be living in a shelter. I told Ludmila, his boarding school caregiver, to tell him that he is not being left here. We are only here to see his brother and to play with him. We are all spending time together and getting to know one another. He seemed relieved at that explanation. “D” had actually seen his brother the day before, for the first time in almost 2 years. He and Ludmila came over for a visit to play with his little brother just prior to coming to meet us. They apparently had a nice time together. Zoya, our facilitator, and Ludmila both asked “D” how he found his brother yesterday (meaning….what condition…or what did you think of your brother). “D” matter-of-factly answered “Normal”. We laughed at his response. HA! How did you find him?? Normal, of course!! Just then, little “A” came toddling through the door, holding the hand of one of the caregivers. “D” smiles at him (we are smiling, too) and runs over and gives his baby brother a little hug. With smiles on all of our faces, we walk down the corridor to get to a large playroom where we can all spend time together, and the boys can play together.

America's Future Artist

Here is the drawing "D" made while we were together. Didn’t he do a great job? That is a butterfly, a dog’s face, an airplane, a cool looking car, and some stacking toys. Of course, the house has a chimney with smoke coming out from it. I asked him to draw a flower (you can see it behind the car). He drew it with great detail. While he was drawing, our facilitator was reading (verbally translating) his school report, and medical and psychological evaluation. I was told that "D" was a well behaved child at the boarding school, a very good boy. He is polite, kind and honest. Even if he has done wrong and did not get caught, he comes forward to say he has done something wrong. He was described as a follower instead of a leader. He never picks a fight and doesn't fight with others. He is doing well in school, and reading after starting only four months ago. "D" was described as "creative", and that his drawings are not typical of other first graders........they are much more detailed. The psychological evaluation stated only that he was not confident in his own abilities and that he needed a lot of praise. It makes good sense that his self-esteem would be low and that he would thrive on praise. I am a big believer in positive reinforcement, and trying to focus on the positive aspects in a person. Hey.....who doesn't like praise?? I am all for that approach!! The medical history was not too bad, considering his past abuse. When he came to the boarding school he initially had a problem with enuresis (bed wetting), but that was now resolved. He also had a problem with iron deficiency anemia that is also now resolved. I am thinking it was probably diet related, as the parents obviously did not provide the proper diet ( or maybe much food at all). He also had cryptorchism from birth that was corrected surgically in January of 2006 (undescended testicle). I also tried to get a good look at his teeth (zoo-bee) to see if there were any huge cavities and things looked OK, but we shall see when he goes to the dentist. He has had one baby tooth pulled, for cavities, and his two permanent teeth in the front are just starting to come in. His current height and weight is on the 15th percentile for 8 year olds ( I brought my own charts!!) Now he appears to be in fairly good health and all we need to do is get him home, fatten him up a little, love him a lot, put his mind at ease, and pray for peace and trust to come to his heart. We'll continue the story of the visit tomorrow.

The Visit Continues

After our successful experience of looking at the books and some reading with “D” we decided to get out some of the things we brought for him (now that he was no longer crying). We gave him a small lego car to build. “D” told us that he loved legos, and he loved to build with them. He also loved to draw and liked to be creative. We told him that we had a son, Remington, who also LOVED legos. In fact, I think we have so many legos, that we could probably build a guest room!! HA! Remmy also loves to draw! He finished building the little car, and then when on to coloring and drawing on some drawing paper. As he was drawing, Ludmila, the caregiver from the boarding school was talking to him in a soft, drawn out voice (it sounded like “Mother-eze”, if you know what that is). She said to him…”In America you can have a family…….and live with your brothers…….and have your own toys………and have a Mama…..and a Papa……and you will get your own box of crayons……and you will not have to share with all of the other children, they will belong to you. We then told him that we had pictures of our home, and of our dogs, and Remmy and Tavia, and would he like to see them? He said “Nyet” (No). Ludmilla said we should give him more time, and we will talk about it again tomorrow. We agreed. Then “D” said that he would like to see a picture of our car, though. Well!! Of course!! I did not have that, however. We got out a color book that had all of these pages that were 1). Find the matching picture, or 2.) Find the picture that is different, or 3). trace through the maze. I purchased this coloring book because I thought these were things we would be able to do together without knowing the language. It worked!! He got them right! He was even faster than I was!! I had to stop and think a minute in order to check his work, to make sure he made the right choice!! He is a very bright child! I was very pleased with his demonstration of prolonged concentration. Up until this time, he had been fearful that Ludmila would leave, and he would be alone with us and the facilitator. He clearly was feeling more at ease with us. We continued to play together on the floor, and Ludmila got up and quietly left……only for about 15 or 20 minutes, but non the less, it was a first step in “D” building trust with us. Ludmila returned shortly, and it was time for them to return to the local orphanage in town. Wayne and I both hugged “D” goodbye and told him “ ah ZAF-tra (until tomorrow).

The Older Boy Comes to Town

We had been told by our adoption agency director that it would be impossible for us to travel to the boarding school of the older boy. There were no hotels or restaurants in that little village, so there would be no place for us to stay during our visit with him. In addition, she stated the drive to that remote area during this time of year could be “just disaster!!”. So we were expecting the boy and his caregiver to arrive in the town of Magadan later that afternoon. Our facilitator in the area called to say that we would be meeting the boy in a large visiting type room in the hotel, and that he and his caregiver, Ludmila, had arrived and were getting settled in at the orphanage in town for older children. We learned from our facilitator, Zoya, that both parents rights were terminated, and the boy had been harshly beaten by his father. She had spoken with the caregiver upon arrival to the city, and Ludmila remarked that “D” had asked her “Do these people beat their children?”. How utterly sad. It was determined that we would all meet at 2:00pm (dva che-SAH). The hour of meeting had arrived, and there was a knock on our hotel door. We had expected to see our facilitator, and were planning to leave our room to go to the larger area so that there would be space and more of an area to play. However, when we opened the door, we found Ludmila and “D”!! Now, they only speak Russian, and we are extremely feeble at communicating in Russian. But, somehow we managed to invite them in, and say it is very nice to meet you, how are you, etc. Neither Ludmila nor we knew where this supposed “visiting area” was, so we just quietly waited for our facilitator to arrive. It was only a few minutes before Zoya’s son arrived, and as we started to leave the room to go to the other area, the boy began to get very apprehensive and said he was afraid….and did not want to leave the room. He was afraid Ludmila was going to leave him alone with these strangers. We all decided maybe the best thing to do would be to stay in our motel room and visit there. We had two chairs, and the end of the bed to sit on, and there was a little room on the floor for playing and moving around. We were talking for a couple of minutes, when suddenly, “D” burst into tears……his caregiver, Ludmila was trying to talk to him, but he began sobbing and was speaking to her in Russian. He was inconsolable!! Ludmila finally related that “D” said when he looked at Wayne and myself, and thought of us as a “Mama” and “Papa”, that he was reminded of the last time he was with family, and he was severely beaten. Ludmila tried her best to settle him down, and he would not quit sobbing!! Finally I thought to myself, “ I must distract him somehow”. I pulled out this really cool book, that you all will find helpful, especially if you are adopting older children. It is called “My First Thousand Words in Russian”. On each page of pictures there is a little hidden duck. I opened the book and yelled “Guh-DEA OOT-ka?” (Where is the duck??). He suddenly became curious….and started looking at the pictures. When he found it, he pointed and said “Voht” (Here is). We went through a lot of the picture pages, where he concentrated intently, and found the duck on each page…..some pages harder than others. When he came to the end of the “duck” pages, there was a page with animals listed on them. He began reading the rest of the book. I then pulled out this storybook that I accidentally bought, that was written entirely in Russian, except for a small English synopsis at the end of the story. He started reading “Puss in Boots”, and quite well, I might add. Ludmila told us that he has only been reading for four months, too! Although he turned 8 years old last November, he is still in the 1st grade. Apparently when the children were taken away from the parents they were placed in a Rehabilitation Home. This is a home where children reside while the parents are being “rehabilitated” and are trying to get their act together, in order to keep custody of their child/children. “D” lived there for one year, and apparently there was no schooling there. When the parents were not rehabilitated, and their rights were terminated, he was sent to the boarding school in April 2006, and was placed in the first grade. He did rather well, but could not learn the entire curriculum by the time school was out at the end of May. So, when school resumed again in the fall, “D” was placed in the 1st grade again. Well, we finally we had to get the “Puss in Boots” story away from him, because he did not want to stop reading!! He was finally more at ease with us!! Continuing Part 2 tomorrow……