MY TOP TEN BONDING AND ATTACHMENT STRATEGIES

During my "mission" to adopt, and during my information gathering stage on adoption, I read a lot of literature. This literature was not only from authorities on bonding, including developmental psychologists and their various theories, but also personal stories of other adoptive parents. Some of these stories did not have the happiest of endings, as some of these became disrupted adoptions (children returned.....or sent to another home). Some of these stories with unhappy endings do not progress to disruption, but the bonding didn't occur, and the children did not become attached to the parent/parents. I was very worried about this. Of course, I had my experience with my five biological children, which I am sure, gave me a little insight. However, this situation would be different. In addition to me being a perfect stranger to my newly adopted children, these new children had special needs. They were abused, abandoned, and an inate "self-preservation" mode had taken over. How could I get these children to trust again? This was my quest !! I am so happy to announce that both of my boys are totally attached to me. Little Alexander is "Mama's Baby", and Kylen constantly asks me when are my next days off from work, so I am home with him after school!! They run to me and squeeze me so hard when they see me! I am so happy that we have bonded and attached in this special way! So, I have decided to share my information and strategies with you, in hopes that some of these things may be successful for you as well. I am currently working on the two lists, with some differences, of the top ten strategies for bonding with a toddler, and with an older child. I will share the toddler list first, with the next posting. Oh, and P.S. Today is my BIRTHDAY!! What a wonderful present I have this year.....two sweet, adorable boys that both love to be around me, and love their new home in America!! We are blessed!!

FINALLY PLAYING TOGETHER !!

What fun the boys are having!! When we first came home, they did not know how to play with each other! Kylen had not lived with his baby brother since the baby was 2 months old. He had been placed in an Orphanage boarding school for children age 6 to age 18. He knew how to play with older children, but not a baby or a toddler. Unless one has "grown up" with a baby or toddler in the family, one does not know how to interact with them, nor how to play. The same for Alexander. He was only used to the small toddlers in his groupa. The first week we had them home, they were like two children in the same room, but there was no interaction between them, nor was there really any interest. Not only were these brothers at different ages developmentally, but they were essentially "strangers" to one another!! They did not even know each other! Through the summer they have slowly progressed. Now they play together, and Kylen very often takes Alexander's hand and holds it in his own. These boys are so cute together, and they are finally having the brotherly companionship that was taken from them over two years ago!! What a joy to see them playing so happily together!!

MY TWO SUPERBOYS !!

I am not sure if Kylen and Alexander really know who Superman is.....but they have certainly had fun wearing these P.J.'s and flying around the house with their capes flowing in the wind behind them!! They feel empowered and invincible!! They have a sense of belonging!! That is what families do for you!!

LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHILE WE ARE MAKING PLANS !!

Wow! What a fast and busy summer!! We have been enjoying the boys everyday and they are both doing so well!! I have had so many ideas about successes and failures that I have wanted to share with you concerning our adventures in bonding and attaching with the boys. I have vowed to post two blogs per week on Thursdays and on Sundays sharing helpful hints and suggestions that worked well for our situation. We truly are blessed to have these two beautiful boys, and have certainly had our share of "two steps forward, and one step back". I must say, however, even at the most difficult of times, the journey has been incredibly rewarding, and SOOOOOOOO worth it!! I hope you will continue to share this entertaining and exciting journey with us as we continue bonding with our new children!! Stay tuned for more!!

A Conversation With Kylen

The following is an actual conversation that occurred about one hour after a feeding frenzy with watermelon. Kylen LOVED it and kept eating and eating and eating. Kylen: "Mama (pronounced Maaaaaa-mah.....said in a whine), Hungry!!! Me: "You are hungry?" Kylen: "Yes" Me: " How can you be hungry??? You just ate about one thousand pieces of watermelon!!" Kylen: "Maaaaaaa-mah, no.....not a thousand!!" Me: " Well, OK, not a thousand, but you ate a lot!! How many did you eat??" Kylen: "Ten, maybe." Me: "Dah, (Yes) that is how many you ate.....exactly ten pieces!!" Notice how I am the only one speaking Russian here!!

Kylen's First Day of School !!

Since we arrived home from the Motherland (inserting a little humor here...ha!) we have been able to alternate our work schedules so that one of us is always at home with the boys. This has been working out very well for their attachment to us and it has also given us an opportunity to work on Kylen's English. He has made excellent progress (I'll tell you about a couple of conversations we had earlier this week......I'll try to write about them tomorrow), however, he had really started to be a little bit bored, especially now that Tavia and Remmy are off to various and sundry camps (church, cheer, boy scouts, football, etc.).....so......Kylen has been ESPECIALLY bored with them gone!! I found a little independent school using the Montesorri (wow....I guess if I am going to use it then I should learn how to spell it!!). At any rate, he went today and looked abit displaced as I left him there. I am happy to report that he thoroughly enjoyed his first day of school! He was quite happy and very social with all of the kids. It was truely a successful day!! He can hardly wait to get there tomorrow!! We are thrilled!!

UPDATE ! ! ! !

OK......I am ashamed that I have not kept up with our blog for the last month and one half (give or take a week!!). Time has certainly gotten away from me!! Our life has been more than a little crazy with adjusting to new family members!! Of course, it has not been easy for the boys either!! The front door of our house reminds me of one of those big revolving, circular doors you find at the entrance to a fancy hotel!! Someone is always coming and going......and now one daughter is home from College for the summer, one daughter has moved back home in order to attend college, and one son was here for a short visit once his College semester was over. And.....the poor kids have not even met two of their siblings......an older brother and sister that live in Seattle, Washington!! I know this is a crazy life for them, and I keep waiting for Kylen and Alexander to hug and embrace the mail lady ( in rural Missouri we do not have a mailman...but a lady!) thinking she MUST be some family member, too!! The first thing I want to say is that if you survive the first month home with your newly adopted child/children (and YOU WILL), then you are going to make it!!! The first month was so hard....but I learned some tricks to the trade that made life SO MUCH easier, and I shall share them later!! We are in such a better place now than when we first arrived home, and we are all doing well.......more on that to come as well!! The next obstacle we have overcome that hindered our blogging ability was that dadblasted dial-up!! HOORAY!! We have high speed!! On that note and with our new found technology, I promise to post pictures later this week!! Stay tuned!! There are some really good stories to tell!!