MY TOP TEN BONDING AND ATTACHMENT STRATEGIES

During my "mission" to adopt, and during my information gathering stage on adoption, I read a lot of literature. This literature was not only from authorities on bonding, including developmental psychologists and their various theories, but also personal stories of other adoptive parents. Some of these stories did not have the happiest of endings, as some of these became disrupted adoptions (children returned.....or sent to another home). Some of these stories with unhappy endings do not progress to disruption, but the bonding didn't occur, and the children did not become attached to the parent/parents. I was very worried about this. Of course, I had my experience with my five biological children, which I am sure, gave me a little insight. However, this situation would be different. In addition to me being a perfect stranger to my newly adopted children, these new children had special needs. They were abused, abandoned, and an inate "self-preservation" mode had taken over. How could I get these children to trust again? This was my quest !! I am so happy to announce that both of my boys are totally attached to me. Little Alexander is "Mama's Baby", and Kylen constantly asks me when are my next days off from work, so I am home with him after school!! They run to me and squeeze me so hard when they see me! I am so happy that we have bonded and attached in this special way! So, I have decided to share my information and strategies with you, in hopes that some of these things may be successful for you as well. I am currently working on the two lists, with some differences, of the top ten strategies for bonding with a toddler, and with an older child. I will share the toddler list first, with the next posting. Oh, and P.S. Today is my BIRTHDAY!! What a wonderful present I have this year.....two sweet, adorable boys that both love to be around me, and love their new home in America!! We are blessed!!

FINALLY PLAYING TOGETHER !!

What fun the boys are having!! When we first came home, they did not know how to play with each other! Kylen had not lived with his baby brother since the baby was 2 months old. He had been placed in an Orphanage boarding school for children age 6 to age 18. He knew how to play with older children, but not a baby or a toddler. Unless one has "grown up" with a baby or toddler in the family, one does not know how to interact with them, nor how to play. The same for Alexander. He was only used to the small toddlers in his groupa. The first week we had them home, they were like two children in the same room, but there was no interaction between them, nor was there really any interest. Not only were these brothers at different ages developmentally, but they were essentially "strangers" to one another!! They did not even know each other! Through the summer they have slowly progressed. Now they play together, and Kylen very often takes Alexander's hand and holds it in his own. These boys are so cute together, and they are finally having the brotherly companionship that was taken from them over two years ago!! What a joy to see them playing so happily together!!

MY TWO SUPERBOYS !!

I am not sure if Kylen and Alexander really know who Superman is.....but they have certainly had fun wearing these P.J.'s and flying around the house with their capes flowing in the wind behind them!! They feel empowered and invincible!! They have a sense of belonging!! That is what families do for you!!

LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHILE WE ARE MAKING PLANS !!

Wow! What a fast and busy summer!! We have been enjoying the boys everyday and they are both doing so well!! I have had so many ideas about successes and failures that I have wanted to share with you concerning our adventures in bonding and attaching with the boys. I have vowed to post two blogs per week on Thursdays and on Sundays sharing helpful hints and suggestions that worked well for our situation. We truly are blessed to have these two beautiful boys, and have certainly had our share of "two steps forward, and one step back". I must say, however, even at the most difficult of times, the journey has been incredibly rewarding, and SOOOOOOOO worth it!! I hope you will continue to share this entertaining and exciting journey with us as we continue bonding with our new children!! Stay tuned for more!!